A Real Friend

I’ve never been crazy about statistics. Primarily because they can be used to lead others to a premeditated conclusion set by someone anxious to make a point. They have their place but should always be used with caution and honesty.

It has been reported that 90% of men do not have real friends.  I’m not sure how the research was conducted but based on my own day to day observations, I’m inclined to believe that there is a great measure of truth in that research.

It is critical to establish the definition of a “real friend” as it can mean different things to different people depending on their perspective. As with all things, the Word of God provides invaluable insight regarding all matters and the Bible has much to say about friendship. While we could look at several references, let’s consider Proverbs 17:17:

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.  

Immediately we’re thrust into a necessary reality when it comes to friendship. According to this verse, friendship carries a real affectionate tone similar to what husband and wife might experience sensually. For the record, the Bible is in no way advocating homosexuality here. That is sin and God has been unabashedly clear regarding that (Lev. 18:22, 20:13; Romans 1:26-27; Jude 1:7). The message here is that real friendship runs deep. It engages the head and the heart. This type of friendship propels us far beyond the shallow demonstrations that we’ve become so accustomed to.

Another observation we see is that friendship carries a rich unconditional undertone. The Scripture says a friend loveth at ALL times. In other words, a real friend is not someone who comes and goes and usually comes when things are good. One of the most painful realities to encounter is to realize that the real friendship you thought you had was not real at all. This always happens when the season changes for the worst and like the wind, they blow away. Job could tell you all about that one. A real friend is one who without hesitation, will climb into the foxhole of life with you regardless of the hardship involved. This is what is meant by a brother is born for adversity. It is in times of adversity that men become real friends. Men who have faced death together in war walk away from that experience with a bond that cannot be broken. This is true in other forms of adversity as well. I can say with confidence that the common denominator in every real friend I have has been seasons of war and adversity together. We’ve fought together and have demonstrated an unconditional commitment to friendship. For me, it is unlikely that one could be considered a real friend until we’ve bled together so to speak.

In closing, one of the greatest examples of real friendship preserved in the Scriptures is the relationship between David and Jonathan. When receiving the news that Jonathan had been killed in battle, observe the sobering words of David:

2 Samuel 1:26 I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women.

Again, there is nothing dark or sinful about this expression. These were two men who had gone to war together and their souls were knit. Their relationship was not cheap and shallow. They were real friends.

Men, who is your Jonathan? Who is your David? To properly answer those questions I believe you have to ask yourself, “Am I a Jonathan” or, “Am I a David?”

Where you find a David, you find a Jonathan. So, if there is no David or Jonathan in your life, it is probably because you’re not becoming a David or a Jonathan and this is cause for concern.